Showtime to Air Bon Jovi Documentary.

Ramón to Cancel Showtime Subscription.

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Do you think it’s possible that all Donald Trump really wants in this world…

…is to be Blair from Facts of Life?

Simon Le Bon adjusts his junk (and dances on the sand) somewhere near Sardinia. Digging the goggles, by the way.

(Via The Daily Mail.)

For your pleasure, this lyrical little gem I heard on the radio today:

One time you were my baby chicken
Now you’ve grown into a fox
Once upon a time I was your little rooster
But am I just one of your cocks

The Rolling Stones, 2005

I don’t know whether to be relieved or not that this was a Stones song. A relatively new one at that. I mean, at least it wasn’t Franz Ferdinand or the Raconteurs, someone young and new spewing out such infantile pap. When it’s the Stones you can say, hey, they’re way past their prime, and no one really gives a shit about them anymore.

Except that shit came oozing out the speakers of my car. No amount of Little Tree Air Fresheners will erase that stink from my floor mats.  Really, guys, if you’ve devolved into a full-fledged Tappian self-parody of yourselves, it’s time to hang it up.

Vapid Stupid Opportunistic People Break Up

Former Bachelor Matt Grant and the recipient of his most important rose, actress Shayne Lamas, have broken off their engagement after publicly pretending that they were meant to be for two whole months, People reports.

“We tried hard to make it work but we realized that we were both heading in different directions,” the duo said in a statement. “We truly care about each other and will remain close friends.”

Marriage between a man and a woman is SACRED, people! ESPECIALLY when it’s all done for show on reality TV!

I fucking hate everyone.

Penny already posted this story, and I was sstill drafting mine when she posted hers, but I thought it worth repeating. As she said, “There’s not enough hatred in the world for [this] fucker.” Agreed.

Notorious oxygen thief and waste of DNA Andy Dick, a talentless troll know for his stage persona as a sniveling, moronic, unlikable asshole, is, it turns out, a sniveling, moronic, unlikable asshole. Last night Dick was arrested for assaulting a 17 year-old girl in a California parking lot. Dick allegedly grabbed the young woman’s top and bra and yanked them down, exposing her breasts.

In all seriousness, I hope the judge throws the book at him. If convicted, he should have to register as a sex offender. This type of behavior is inexcusable. Fuck you, Dick, I hope this is a career ender. And if you start making jokes about this in your stand-up, I will track you down and punch you in the mouth.

(Via The Smoking Gun.)