An Ohio dumbass and BK employee got himself fired for bathing in a restaurant sink, then posting a video of said misadventure to his Myspace account. The video bounced around the internet long enough to land in the local health inspector’s inbox. Oops. In defense of the King, everyone involved was immediately shitcanned. (How awesome would it be if that rubbery fuck came down and axed them all in person?) And the sink was scrubbed. Twice. Not that everyone is happy with that:

“That’s just, it’s wrong it’s a place where families come to eat and them taking a bath in the sink that’s just not work ethic,” said Crystal Dodge, who said she used to eat at Burger King all the time.

“That’s just disgusting. I wouldn’t want to eat here after I heard something like that, that’s just not appropriate for employment,” Dodge said.

“This kind of stunt really is a black eye for the restaurant itself.”

Sure, a dirty methhead bathing with the spatulas is disgusting, but you’ll eat their onion rings? Sorry, Ms. Dodge, you’ve zero credibility.

Looking for a way to beat the summer heat? Try this new fizzy lifting drink from (where else?) Japan: Surging Eel! Yeah, eel soda. Yummy. It’s a lot like Amp and other Extreme!!! sodas here in the U.S.:

“It’s mainly for men who are exhausted by the summer’s heat,” Hayashi said of the beverage, believed to be the first mass-produced eel drink in Japan.

The fizzy, yellow-colored drink contains extracts from the head and bones of eel and five vitamins — A, B1, B2, D and E — contained in the fish.

I find it interesting that it is “believed to be the first mass-produced eel drink in Japan” because I’d like to think something like that would be pretty definitive. Seriously, how does one forget Pepsi Eel Clear? Or Cherry Vanilla Eel Diet Dr. Pepper?

Still, Surging Eel has to taste better than Mt. Dew.

Booking photo of Daniel Allen Everett, 33-year-old piece of shit who was arrested “for allegedly soliciting sex from an online contact he believed was a 14-year-old girl,” but was actually an undercover investigator with the state Attorney General.

The children of the “World’s Greatest Dad” must be so proud.

Andy Dick has been arrested for drug possession and sexual battery after assaulting a 17-year-old girl and passing out in a parking lot with weed and Xanax in his trouser pockets. This useless asshole just needs to be shot already. Or, as Michael K suggested, his bail needs to be set “at infinity.”

Even his fucking mug shot is trying to rape me, fer crissakes.

Germs!Listen, you fucking pigs, I swear to Baby Jebus that if one more of you fuckers walks out of the men’s room without bothering to wash your fucking hands, I am going to come out there to your cubicle and piss all over your filthy fucking keyboard! Because when you grab your stinky dick and paw the handle of the urinal then walk around touching pens, and typing, and getting coffee (!!!) and loading up the printer and making copies, that’s the exact same fucking thing you’re doing to everyone else! I don’t want your germs, I don’t want your piss (or worse! And yes, I’ve seen guys drop a deuce then head straight back to work as if the idea of a fucking sink was foreign to them!), I don’t want your smeggy cock on any surface here at work. So wash your fucking hands!

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