August 2008


David Duchovny, who plays sex addict Hank Moody on Showtime’s Californication, has entered rehab. For sex addiction. Just in time for the second season of his show. About a sex addict.

Whatever.

I just hope Michael C. Hall doesn’t start chopping people up now.

Love Missile F1-11 by Sigue Sigue Sputnik

I was watching TV last night, a craptastic movie just to kill time. Because if there’s one thing I have plenty of, it’s time. It was movie about the Satan (who was kind of an asshole; not at all cool like you might think) and the end of the world and blah blah blah. Anyway, somewhere in all that a cranky old priest stumbled out across the screen, and I thought “hey, look, it’s Rod Steiger.” Then I tried to figure out if he was still alive or not. I have no memory of him dying, no recollection of an Entertainment Tonight postmortem tribute to him. But maybe he’d died and I just didn’t notice. Or perhaps he is alive and well and living out his days in Malibu, chomping on cigars and banging his housekeeper. I have no idea.

So, tell me. Without googling it, without cheating, just off the top of your head. Rod Steiger: dead or alive?

The McConaugheys are weird.

“Hi, I’m Matthew McConaughey, and I never wear a shirt and I like to get stoned and play the bongos naked in public. Did I mention I’ve got a brother named Rooster who named his kid Miller Lyte? Oh, and here’s some new info: My mom’s got a killer vagina, and I think that’s awesome, dude.”

Just wow.

Here’s a little McConaughey Strikes Back to get ya through the day:

Someone submit this dude’s name for Father of the Year:

Moson Wape, from [Papua New Guinea], had his lower left hand cut off after his father tried to slash him on the head, PNG’s National newspaper reports.

The incident occurred on the weekend when Wape intervened in a fight between his father and another son arguing over a bunch of bananas. The father swung his bush knife and chopped off Wape’s hand and also slashed his head.

Police are investigating.

If I were Moson Wape, I’d spend the rest of my life using my one remaining hand to punch my dad in the balls.

Never mind that they’ve put that racist fuckwit Dog the Bounty Hunter back on the air. Never mind that all day every day is a Gene Simmons Family Jewels marathon. Never mind that Criss Angel’s “magic tricks” are supplemented with heavy doses of CGI. Never mind all that.

A&E can blow for what they’ve done with The Sopranos. No, I’m not talking about the basic cable bowdlerization, that’s to be expected. For the last year I’ve caught up on the exploits of the New Jersey mob in a family-friendly format, with most of the cussing and nudity excised. I’ve followed along all the way through six seasons. Almost.

The Arts and Entertainment network has yet to air the final nine episodes of the final season. They’ve tried to hide this fact by shuffling the show to a new timeslot, but every damn time they get to episode seventy-seven, blam! they start running old shit again. What fuckin’ gives?

I really want to know. I even asked A&E directly. Their response:

Season six of the Sopranos is scheduled to air Saturday nights at 10PM ET/ 9PM CT, or later depending on the A&E movie pick of the week. The episodes will continue in successive order, through season six, in the same timeslot.

So, where are the final episodes of season six? They sure aren’t on A&E on Saturday nights.

Oh. Mah. Donna.

Pop Quiz time, Maudelings: Is the most disturbing thing about this image:

A. The vaguely dirty (not as in naughty, but as in grimy sheen of filth that hangs over a gas station bathroom) quality created by the black fishnets stretched over her bulging crotch tendons?

B. The appearance of offering up her armpit for the beheading of a nemesis of your choice, and the creeping realization that she could actually behead someone with her armpit?

C. The so head-explodingly Freudian as to be banal placement of the microphone?

or:

D. The culmination of all of the above suggesting that Madonna may accidentally give herself the first sex change-by-workout?

If you said D, give yourself 1,000 points. Via.

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