The other day, completely without warning, one of the glass doors on my Ikea cabinet shattered spontaneously. (So says my roommate, I wasn’t actually home at the time. For all I know, she could have been playing ball in the house.) The only thing unusual that morn was the screeching succubus on TV in an old rerun of Kolchak. Shit happens: Monsters scream, glass breaks.

I got home, cleaned up the mess and jumped online to order a replacement. I couldn’t just leave it there, having only one door, with my collectables and curious goods exposed to the elements. Okay, it’s only fifty-five bucks, I can swing that. Add to shopping cart, proceed to check out. What the fuck?!? Shipping and handling $275?!! Are you kidding me!?! I realize it’s glass and all, but seriously, do you expect me to pay a 500% shipping rate? Fuck that, I’ll just take the other door off.