I’ve seen my share of head-scratchingly bizarre tie-ins before, but this one is just ridiculous. To coincide with Season Seven of American Idol, Edy’s/Dryer’s (depending on which state one buys ice cream in) released five new flavors and encouraged customers to vote for their favorite.

They all had clever names: Cookies ‘N Dreamz (“It’s a small town flavor with big time dreams!”), Cheesecake Diva (“Brownie pieces and a fudge swirl for a taste that’s worth singing about!”), Mint Karaoke Cookie (“A new spin on an otherwise classic taste!”), Most Orange-inal (“The one flava that always keeps it real. Holla!”), One Split Wonder (“A guaranteed smash hit!”).

Tastes like Archuleta!

Here’s the worst part: Each flavor comes with it’s own theme song. I put them all on my iPod. Why? Because I am a moron. (Just wait, one day when some friends are over, and we’re jamming to the awesomeness that is my iPod on shuffle, one of these travesties will come on, and everyone will stop, glare at me, and I will be forced to submit to a giant wedgie as penance.)

I had planned to review each song for you here, but I’ve decided against it. Let me just sum up by saying they’re all pretty crappy. They’re all about a minute long, feature a verse and… usually no chorus. The low point is the “hip hop” number. Check out these lyrics:

The most original it’s like no other
No relation to cherry, strawberry’s not your brother
The most original it taste a little like orange
Unfortunately for this song nothing rhymes with orange

Actually, you know what is worse than the songs? The tour. Melinda Doolittle, Season Six’s third place winner is forced to meander the country on the Edy’s Idol Ice Cream Tour. Christ, wasn’t there a free spot on E where she could host Backstage At The CMT Music Awards or something? Poor thing. I should have voted for her.

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