Uri Geller, having lost his sense of irony after 30-plus years of bilking the simple and hopeless, sued a pair of eBay real-estate brokers for fraud. If you’re not familiar with Geller’s shtick, way back in the Seventies he claimed he could bend spoons with his mind. Of course this is total bullshit because he ain’t Neo and this ain’t the fucking Matrix. Besides that, if your one big psychic ability is trashing the flatware, you’re pretty much just an asshole who won’t be invited back to dinner anytime soon.

Geller placed the winning bid on Elvis’ non-Graceland home but the deal quickly fell apart. Auctioneers Cindy Hazen and Mike Freeman then sold the house to music mogul Mike Curb. Curb confirms the property will be turned into the Mike Curb Music Institute, because, apparently, there is a great need for scholars to study bland and soulless music.

A federal judge dismissed Geller’s lawsuit. Something Geller probably should have known was going to happen beforehand.

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